Even In Isolation and Solitude, Friendship Is The Answer
THIS JOURNAL BELONGS TO
MARCUS RICHARDSON
You Have To Find Your Tribe
The theme that seems to be unanimous is the one where we are all eager to get back to the ones we do life with.
5 MINS READ TIME
In what seemed like a blink of an eye, so many lifestyles took a dramatic shift as the world fought to understand and contain a global pandemic. Today, nearly two months into our quarantine we find ourselves navigating the line between isolation and solitude. Our communities currently separated and divided by streets, boroughs and states as COVID-19 not only threatens the health of our physical bodies, but also the health and strength of our ties of camaraderie. Despite the list of things that we miss about life as we knew it, the theme that seems to be unanimous is the one where we are all eager to get back to the ones we do life with.
There is a common saying that you hear your first few years living in New York City, “You have to find your tribe”. Essentially, what is being said is that if you want to survive, who’s backing you up? Who’s your support system? Who's standing by you in your highs and lows? Your tribe is filled and founded on the types of relationships that Aristotle would consider that of virtue, intentionally choosing to invest, love and wish well for others for the sake of the other person versus solely being driven by personal gain.
These types of friendship are life-giving in the purest form because they say — though we are not tied together by blood or law, I choose you for you and I'm not going anywhere. They invite us into a fullness of life, giving us the opportunity to be fully known and fully loved. We are given the opportunity to let our guards down, allowing our tribe to love and celebrate us in our greatness and love and comfort us in our messes. It's in these relationships that we are reminded that perfection is not a prerequisite for love and acceptance. Globally, across time, across genders, across cultures we’ve seen these examples of union and how they have contributed to individuals and communities growing and thriving in times of peace and chaos.
Currently, I believe the biggest threat or aid to our tribes is not distance but rather, the mindsets we can find ourselves in during this time of social distancing. For many, quarantining has come with the stinging state of isolation which tells us that this battle is one that we have to take on alone. Isolation, often disguised as solitude convinces us that we are cut off from others, deserted and uprooted. Isolation travels hand in hand with loneliness and if unchecked, the two can set roots and begin to reign in a time of social distancing leaving us pulling away from our communities — believing the false reality that we are unlovable or unworthy.
Its in friendship that we are given clearer sight, allowing us to approach our current situation differently. Currently in quarantine as we’ve seen worldwide, it's the surprise Zoom birthday calls or simply virtually working together in silence that brings value and perspective to the solitude of social distancing. When we fully experience the gift of friendship and community and actively choose to pursue it, through obstacles and distance, we can then experience the fullness of solitude. Solitude becomes a state to be restored and renewed, celebrating your choice to be alone instead of feeling condemned to it.
I believe often time in our tribes we are just scratching the surface of these relationships that Aristotle would deem the highest form of friendship and my desire is that more of us would challenge ourselves to go deeper, adopting the memo “no man left behind” and truly living it out. My hope is that through social distancing, the gift of connection and companionship will hold a new weight and we will find ourselves on the other side with a new outlook on life and a new appreciation for the ones we do life with. For in our friendships that we find ourselves tied together with others by no more than mutual choice and this form of commitment can say so much. Our friendships can say to our friends that they no longer need to carry the weight of their burdens alone. True friendship can alleviate what Lauren Winner calls “the loneliness of the everyday’; which Wesley Hill explains as “the loneliness of no one knowing if your plane has landed on time”. And in a time such as this true friendship can provide the strength and clarity someone needs to make it through another month of quarantine, affirming that rather than waiting to “see them on the other side” someone is committed to traveling there together.