Luke DiTella on Fatherhood, Mick Jagger and New Generation Parenting
WITH LUKE DITELLA
While this adventurer might not seem Like the typical candidate for settling down, it’s a horribly one dimensional assumption that falls incredibly short of describing Ditella.
Photography, Melissa DiTella
Words, Caleb Church In Conversation with Luke Ditella
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After initiating an intimately set facetime on the porch of his recently sold country house, he wasted no time in cutting the small talk offering an exploration of his introspection of the world.
An impressive resume falls short of anything like the list of accolades behind Ditella. When we hear that standing up on a bodyboard so captured the attention of local lifeguards that they convinced Ditella’s family to give him his first surfboard, we get a glimpse of the serendipitous journey that lead to his decorated run as a professional surfer.
Catching the first wave on it only further ignited the fire to his sense of adventure. Modeling and acting came next, as well as a badass cross country motor ride. Just at 40 years old, his creativity is only diversifying further.
You’ll find DiTella spending time executing creative projects for the numerous brands that he & his wife have stake in. Due to his abilities of storytelling online, he’s won long term collaboration deals with notorious brands like American Crew, Ferrari, Grey Goose, Ray Ban, GQ, Jo Malone London, Tonal and Carl F. Bucherer (amongst many others).
It is possible to do things your own way. you don't need to be held to society’s timeline on how you need to do those things.
While such an adventurer might not seem like the typical candidate for settling down, it’s a horribly one dimensional assumption that falls incredibly short of describing Ditella. Having overcome near loss of life on several occasions, talking to Luke feels like talking with someone who’s seen a multitude of dimensions. Literally and figuratively.
Our conversation moves in tune with his solid, yet free flowing spirit covering the surprise of parenthood, the life experiences and philosophies that prepared him, and views on giving guidance in a world changing faster than we blink.
THE LOOK
Rib Turtleneck Sweater, Linen Trousers, Teddy VONRANSON; Watch, Carl F. Bucherer; Sunglasses, Tom Ford; His Own Sneakers
BO: You strike me as a very curious person who probably esteems lifelong learning. How are you facilitating that now with Rhodes [son] at 11 months?
LD: I read probably about three books every couple weeks (alternating between them). I read good chunks of the books to Rhodes. They say reading to a child helps them develop in a more understanding manner. I'm a pretty firm believer that your subconscious absorbs things way before we can realize it. So, I'm trying to expose him to a wide swath of different interests now. I'm hoping that they seep in.
BO: That's a great perspective. Like putting yourself in your kids shoes.
LD: One of the things that I always thought was amazing was what Bruce Lee said, “Don't buy your kids the things you were never bought, teach them the things you were never taught.” And for me, that's what rings true every day. I think about what I might not have been taught or what I might not have been exposed to. Not intentionally, just because it was a different generation of parenting. And that's kind of how I approach it. Waking up every day and taking a different approach. So it's not the same thing every single day, too. I think it is a big deal to expose our children to as many different experiences as possible.
BO: Let’s dig into how you knew you were ready to have a kid given pressures we see pushing people to forgo kids all together? What were some of the pressures that made you decide to wait?
LD: I don't think it was conscious. knew I was ready. I'm one of those people that believe my subconscious is the driver. My wife and I were never against it. We've been together for 15 years this year, but we never said like, “Okay, now we're trying for a kid.” It was always just one of those things. It was going to happen. And when it did, it would be the right time.No matter what point we were at in life.
I have friends of mine that are very fitness minded, like myself, and watch what they take into their bodies, food wise and everything, and they're having kids at 50, 55.
You look at someone like Mick Jagger as an odd instance. He had a kid, like three years ago, the fucking guy is in [his] 70s. There's definitely a lot that goes into the mindset of remaining young.
BO: That's something I'm really curious about. I’ve followed your instagram for a while. It’s very clean, you could tell it was just you having fun and being creative. So I'm very curious to get behind how you've held on to that, I guess childlike innocence. How do you stay young mentally?
LD: When you look at the TikTok generation, you see that there is this shift in a lot of the people (that we both probably know) in their style, because of the way TikTok swayed them to start behaving. I've never been one of those people that has fallen into trends. I've always just remained on a constant path that I felt was organic to myself.
With that said, I've absolutely done some campaigns that probably weren’t the most fitting thing. But, as they say, people do things for a paycheck sometimes. I was raised by two people who had a lot of opportunities in life to do extremely well financially, but they never wanted to answer to other people. So, they struggled their whole life financially. But, they were happy. Growing up around that kind of mindset made me realize that I'm not going to follow trends or what society thinks I should be doing by a certain age, I'm going to do what makes me happy. However, I understand the value of capitalizing on certain opportunities while they are available.
As far as social media goes, it's really easy to fall into a trap where you start putting out what you're not. I always thought to myself that people needed an example of what was real in that space and that's why I'm very clear that I'm into a lot of different things. I try to be as authentic as possible and not pose as something I'm not. For example, when Bentley gives me a car for a week, it’s not my car and I'm transparent about that. Whereas there are some examples out there of people in a position with a following posing as if that is their car and their everyday life.
We're definitely taught or told as men by society, and we're not allowed to be vulnerable, right? Especially if you're like a heterosexual male. I'm one of those that grew up not afraid to use my fists, but I'm not scared to cry either in front of people. That realness that I have with that side of myself allows me to follow my own path.
I've probably been through a lot more in my 40 years on this earth than the majority of people that have had extremely colorful lives. I lost both my parents in my arms. We lost my wife's mother in our arms. Her grandfather was hit by a bus two days before our wedding and was killed. I had heart failure myself, I was in a coma. I've definitely been through a lot of things that even just one of those things would definitely change somebody's perspective and their whole outlook on how to approach life. So many crazy things have happened over the years that I feel like in my mind, I'm 200 years old.
THE LOOK
Rib Turtleneck Sweater, Wool Jacket, Skylar Pants, Teddy VONRANSON; Watch, Carl F. Bucherer; Sunglasses, Tom Ford
BO: And yet you still feel young?
LD: Yes, resilient is probably a better descriptor. As far as my approach to life, it is very young, in the sense that I'm always active, and I try new things; not afraid to fail.
BO: That's brilliant. I do want to talk about your perspective on modern family structure especially with your career. What does that look like and how are you managing with a kid?
LD: You could read all the books like ‘What to Expect When You're Expecting’ or when you have a kid you do all this research, reading all these things, right? Ultimately, it comes down to how you and your partner approach your own lives. If you're not happy with your own life, there's no way that throwing a baby into it is going to make you any happier.
One of the things that was said to us that was pretty poignant before we had our son was, don't fit into the baby's life, fit the baby into your life. When we had Rhodes, we did just that. We haven’t changed our way of life, except for the fact that we don't have late nights anymore. Which, I mean, I probably needed that - that control. Other than that, I surf as much as I did before. My wife does everything she did before. We're as social as we were before.
People make the mistake of projecting their unhappiness or their struggles onto their kid. Melissa and I just learned to separate that and realize that what he sees is how he's going to start to behave. We're in his examples. When we are frustrated in our home and we're angry, or any of those sorts of things, he's going to pick up on it. Our babies are super intuitive, more so than I ever thought. It's that daily awareness of Rhodes and for Rhodes that has been a perspective enhancer.
We are happier and as easygoing as we were before we had him. That's kind of what you see when you hear or see us talk about him, or I put him on Instagram or on our stories, his happiness. He has really kind of picked up on our easiness, and he fits in everywhere. The kid is always smiling.
If you're not happy with your own life, there's no way throwing a baby into it is going to make you any happier.
THE LOOK
Overcoat, SB Jacket, and Trousers, Teddy VONRANSON
BO: What is Rhodes like at his most intuitive?
LD: How he reads people that we know. Energy is a huge thing. I'm a huge believer that your energy enters the room before you do. One of the things that we've noticed is there's certain people that Mellisa and I are acquaintances with and maybe we aren't the biggest fans of. With Rhodes, he's super friendly and will grab for people when everyone is hanging out. Everyone will pick him up and hold him, pass him around. But certain people,he senses it. He just shuts them out.
And I think that's been the most astounding thing for me because he has no vocabulary, right? Children can't think the way we do when they are this young. When we (adults) think of something, we think of it in words and visuals. What goes through his head? We don't quite know. He’s reacting on pure instinct. So for me, that's the craziest thing to see. Just visceral instinct on every level. All children. Not just Rhodes. Children are fascinating.
I think a lot of parents these days push a political agenda, sexual agenda, and whatever they think they need to do, on their children.
BO: What have you enjoyed most about bringing Rhodes along to any experience with you? And how do you feel that has impacted the experience or made it more profound?
LD: Everything that's just mundane and everyday to us is all new to him. From making a cup of coffee when you hold him to everything else. He's so interested. Subconsciously, it has made me more interested because I'm taking the time to explain it to him. As far as the things that stand out, driving across the country with him at 6 months old was a big deal for us. When we lost my mother, and then our dog was killed a month apart (10 years ago), Melissa and I were at a loss of what to do to heal. She asked me, what do you want to do? And I said, I just want to go. I want to be on the road.
I grew up as a pro surfer and have been traveling the world since I was 13 years old. I always found all the answers that I needed on the road. In other countries and other cultures. When my mom died, that was the first time either of us had traveled across interior America. So, when we were able to do that with Rhodes all these years later, it was really amazing to see how he took it all in. It was like us seeing it all over again.
Since my mother passed, we've done the drive a bunch of times. But, I began noticing that I was processing things differently when I started telling him about it. It just kind of creates this different narrative, even though it's the same thing. It's all...new again.
Another poignant experience was when I took him surfing. Well, into the ocean for the first time. The waves are flat but I took him out, I brought a board out, I sat him on the board. And then I stood and held him while he stood on the board. Just floating. My father was a Waterman. So, it was just really an emotional moment for me for sure. I surf as much as I can, but I don't like surfing unless the waves are really good anymore. This time, I was out and it was flat, and I didn’t want to get out of the water. It was like I was experiencing surfing all over again. That's one of the biggest, freeing things for me. The newness of life in general.
THE LOOK
Stone Garment-Dyed Cotton Denim Chore Jacket, PS by Paul Smith
BO: What values and views do you hope to embody for Rhodes in the next generation?
LD: Freedom. One of the biggest things I want to teach him is to think for himself. Any of my beliefs, or any of my outlets, I’ll tell him about and expose him to. But, I will never push them on him. I think a lot of parents these days push a political agenda, sexual agenda, and whatever they think they need to do, on their children. One of the things I want to teach Rhodes is that he's his own mind. As much as I'm going to be a guide for him, I'm never going to tell him what to do unless he's seriously f*cking his life up.
I truly hope that he gains from losses and never takes anything too seriously. Melissa and I have been through some seriously awful situations. There's very few things that we get super worked up about due to those lows. I'm hoping that he kind of catches on to that easiness and the idea that it's your love for life that makes you appreciate the challenges.
BO: That's deep. What has parenthood taught you about yourself?
LD: I need to be more patient. I don't think I realized how impatient I was with certain things until Rhodes started testing me. I'll feel myself start to boil up a little. It's kind of contradicting to the way that I talk about my easy going nature, but everybody has their things that make them reach a boiling point. He has definitely taught me that there's a whole other gear to our emotions that we don't even realize until we have a child. Patience is a major key to that gear.
BO: Do you ever feel it's a bit like staring in a mirror?
LD: Not yet. I'm really curious when that's going to happen. My family's all said, “Oh my god, it's you, you know, behaves like you did when you were a baby and everything.” And I'm starting to see certain things that he does, like mannerisms, and things that remind me of me, and he's definitely starting to kind of have that, like, “I'm gonna do it anyway” attitude. Over the next year, we'll really see his personality start to come out. I see certain parts of both me and my wife in him. It's not like looking in a mirror but you start to definitely see similarities and being like, holy shit, I do that.
THE LOOK
Ballard Pant, Cotton Shirt, Trench Coat, Teddy VONRANSON
BO: How do you plan to continue forging a close relationship with pressure from designed-to-be-addictive social media, etc. in the digital age?
LD: My sister is a shining example of that. Her two girls are both teenagers. One of the things she made sure that her and my brother in law did throughout their childhood was get them outdoors where you can't access your phone. From skiing, to hiking, to doing all those sorts of things. It's really evident when you're around them. Because if you're on your phone around my nieces who are sophomore and freshman, they're like, Uncle Luke put your phone down. For me, it's so refreshing. The youngest one literally said to her friends, like, “get off TikTok.”
At her age, she's probably taking some criticism from her friends for it, but I don't think that she understands how much further that's gonna put her in five years from her peers. You know what I mean? For me, it's taking that note from my sister. I've never seen her yell at her kids. She's always handled everything from this very dignified point of view, with so much composure. Even if they're in trouble, it's a conversation. It's never hard scolding or yelling at them. It's having a conversation about what is happening. Communication is what's most important, right?
With Rhodes, Melissa and I both love skiing and hiking. We spend a lot of time in areas where you're subject to kind taking in your surroundings. That's one of the things I'm going to focus on with Rhodes, the outdoors. We don't want him to become a slave to a phone or, you know, video game console.
