Non-Binary Beauty Influencer, Zain Shah On Intersectional Identity and Pride as An Act of Activism
WITH ZAIN SHAH
It’s time to reflect, learn, celebrate, and make plans for the future.
Photography, Ciaran Christopher
Words, Caleb Church In Conversation with Zain Shah
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Even though Zain Shah may have only started their journey a year ago after the onset of the pandemic, their wildly successful journey from 0 to 40,200 followers didn’t come without a bump in the road or two.
The makeup artist, content creator is a prime example of the benefit showing up authentically as yourself can bring; a commitment that gets deeper and more profound as you take each step away from what society deems as expected or normal.
Continuing to hold light to positive change, they’ve [Zain] has proven their strength and ability by securing efforts for further queer inclusivity within the beauty industry. Through their experience, they’ve also uncovered the harsh reality of unbalanced equity behind the scenes, and making solid efforts to bring change.
June is a month a-stir with many emotions from past challenges and triumphs. It’s a time to reflect, learn, celebrate, and make plans for the future. Zain being an individual so inherently unique, we explored the brilliance that helped lead them on their path to creating their own space, building community, and confronting their differences with others.
I accepted myself and stopped seeking validation. That's when I was able to really show up and be visible.
THE LOOK
Earring, Mountain & Moon
With an added layer on the context of growing up brown, and in London, we dove in and spoke about what it means to show up in life authentically, even in situations where one’s safety may be at risk.
Our conversation highlights the gap in awareness of issues non-binary people face, and the experience of those who may be more privileged shedding light upon the disparities and prejudices that exist within the LGBT+ community, and the growth they’d like to see.
THE LOOK
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CC: Tell me a little bit about your coming out experience.
ZS: I don’t know if I really have a story because my identity is intersectional. It’s like I’m constantly having to come out. I’m constantly having to explain myself to people. I just remember being at home, I was in my early 20s and, just sort of, my mom initiating the conversation, but it was more about my femininity at that point. Looking back, I actually think she was afraid for me to be judged by the family and the wider community. It was her way of saying “I accept you, but be careful, I can't protect you forever.”
My journey is not really about sexuality, it's really about how I identify as non-binary, and I think a lot of my non-binary community have had to help me.
There's no blueprint for us so we all start with our sexuality and then we find what it means to be non-binary. Identity and sexuality aren’t really the same thing. Now all the conversations I have with my family are about what it means to be non-binary. I’m constantly learning myself, and as I'm learning, I'm just trying to give information to all the people that genuinely care about me.
There's no blueprint for us so we all start with our sexuality and then we find what it means to be non-binary.
CC: How do you feel being a person of color has affected your journey coming out?
ZS: It’s tough because I feel like the whole grounds for coming out is for acceptance especially in POC communities. If you’re seeking acceptance to have a partner that’s of the same sex, you're gonna be met with a lot of resistance. Equally, if you just are wanting acceptance to be your feminine effervescent self, that's also an issue.
It's a tough one because to me, it was never like, “oh, I'm coming out because I'm in love with this person” because I still have not met that person, and I'm totally still getting to know myself. But it was almost like, “Okay, can we accept that I'm not the masculine person, nor do I want to present this masculine person.” I'm interested in creativity with fashion and beauty, and I don't feel like that belongs to any one gender.
So at the start, it was conversations about “I'm not masculine”, and now it's like, “What is masculine?” It's nice to see how the evolution of that topic with my friends, family and fellow POC community has translated in modern times. The truth of the matter is the things that we thought were masculine were mostly toxic masculinity or something that society was gendering. So I think it's just nice to have these conversations and grow with my community.
CC: What have you found to be the best way to approach these tougher conversations when they arrive?
ZS: Go about just living your existence and not trying to cater to everyone else; whether that be coming out to them or trying to give them an explanation, that's the best thing you can do. I think sometimes when you do try and give someone an explanation, it’s not that the conversation isn’t coming from a genuine place, but the conversation can become convoluted. Intentions can become unclear.
The other party can become defensive, and they can try and stop you from being your authentic self. It doesn't always happen in this seamless way. Yes, let’s lift each other up and educate each other. But what I’ve found through my experience is it’s best just to not have those conversations and to just be... just exist. I think you have to protect your space and energy as well, and sometimes having a conversation with the best of intentions that then gets thrown back in your face can be so disheartening and can lead to a breakdown in those relationships anyway.
CC: What was it like building a thriving community for yourself?
ZS: My chosen family has probably been the most rewarding part for me. I hope in my heart of hearts that it’s as beneficial for them as it's been for me during this journey. I've been in London my whole life, and I, being that kid that never really fit in, I would gravitate toward friends and people that had run away from home and moved to London to start a new life. I was like, “how do I do this, because I'm getting a lot of push back and stress from my family and friends?”
In reality, persevering and finding my own time to do that was so important because I'm still in London and the community here is amazing. I feel as though my friends are everything I ask for in regards to a support network. It's interesting because I never really thought I would be this fulfilled with my friends. I always thought that not having my family support me would devastate me to the point of eternal darkness. Like, what happens? But the truth of the matter is you really do fill those voids in your life. And I think, not to sound corny, but in terms of manifestation, like if you want to be surrounded by love, then that's what you will get, you will be surrounded by love.
Thinking that my family was gonna be the be all and end all of that was my mistake, but having friends to cushion that blow and transition into them being my chosen family, that's been such a beautiful process, and it hasn't been difficult at all.
CC: What does pride mean to you?
ZS: I spent so much of my upbringing trying to disguise myself, lie and hide all the parts that I thought were icky, yucky and perverted to other people. Pride to me is embracing all those parts of myself that I tried to hide growing up.
It was all societal conditioning, and so pride is just embracing, the younger me, the current and the future me. To celebrate what it means to be queer and to create my own path in this world without a role model.
CC: How do you find your own personal space in that way. How are you taking up that space and making sure that you're feeling fulfilled?
ZS: I'm not taking no for an answer, and I'm also saying no for my own benefit. If I want something, I'm going to go and create that thing. I'm going to give power to my thoughts and intentions and I'm going to create it either with my art or by taking a day off and doing something for myself.
Equally, if someone is trying to tell me to do something that doesn't feel genuine or doesn’t feel like it can attach itself to me in a way that is making me feel prideful then it's totally okay to say no. Especially during Pride, you'd be surprised how many brands and publications don’t even ask if you want to do stuff. They're like, “we're using you for that,” and I'm like, “No, no, you're not.”
That is me protecting my space and being my own role model. It means really honoring my time and understanding that power in choice.
CC: I like that. Healthy boundaries, right? How are you celebrating?
ZS: It’s my birthday month, so I'm celebrating at the end of the month for sure. I’m celebrating by writing to my family and friends, making sure that we schedule time to see each other, party, relax and chill.
THE LOOK
Jewelry, Mountain & Moon
the power in the lack of representation is that you get to be representation, you get to tell the narrative, and you get to tell people, “this is how it's going To be.”
CC: You’ve mentioned a bit about how brands have reacted during this time. In what ways do you hope companies show up more inclusively and less performative this month?
ZS: In so many ways! First of all, ask. Ask what we want. I think a lot of brands sort of go in with this idea that, “Oh my God, this other brand’s doing it, so I just have to take this off the list.”
Pride month tends to seem like a checklist to get some marketing out. Maybe do some market research, ask around. Make a difference in your company before you try and go out. Check that the people at your company feel good and that they're being treated right. They need to set aside a good budget, because it's really important that queer talent gets paid because there’s so much trauma from being taken advantage of. Honor what we do and pay us.
Work with us outside of June. You have no idea how many companies reach out to me who seem absolutely lovely, but when I say “yes, I’d love to do this with you, but let’s also do something later in the year” they’re like… “Yeah, no. Let's see how it goes.” It seems like a curveball for them but what I’m really saying is “are you being performative or are you not being performative?”
I think it shouldn't be a surprise that people are asking to work outside of one “month.”
CC: We’ve spoken briefly about what you do as a content creator but how did you get started?
ZS: Part of my upbringing and my community unfortunately revolves around... “What will other people think?”
I've heard that so much that growing up I didn’t even have a private “finsta.” I actually downloaded Instagram during the first lockdown. So it has been crazy. My brain is still catching up to what's actually going on. I was an art director shooting for brands in fashion and beauty. I was obviously in charge of coming up with content, booking the models, hair and makeup and more.
Some of the time, I would receive creative briefs I felt wrong about activating. I had to book models for inclusive makeup brands when the makeup didn’t even fit all the model’s skin tones. I’ve had to book trans models for lingerie brands just for shock value. And so much of it just made me think “I can't do this anymore, it's actually eating away at my soul.”
I don’t see brands taking any minorities seriously, and that really invalidates who I am as a person being intersectional. So I was like, “No, I'm leaving this job.” A little while after that, the pandemic hit. I really wasn’t looking to make money because you need to be realistic. I wanted to show brands that this is how it’s done. That we can be so creative and that they don’t need to tokenize us.
THE LOOK
Deadstock Leather Safety Pin Crop, Sssilk666
CC: How was the journey from your first post to your first brand deal?
ZS: My first couple of posts, I was just having fun. I was trying to be a bit of all the things that I know get people somewhere, but also get you nowhere in life. And then I thought, I've always liked make-up, but I've never really done a full face of makeup before.
I put a full face of makeup on and got my little brother to take photos with me outside the house against a rose bush. It was very butch, though it all came together. That was the beginning.
When I was doing my makeup, I was just like, this is my personal face, so I had to do something that represents me. I put on a little bindi, which is part of our South Asian culture, and I was like this feels complete now.
My role models are South Asian women as well as some beauty icons. So when I did that, I said “now this feels like myself”.
CC: It’s so important for people to realize that groundbreaking work can come from anywhere and doesn’t need to be Vogue to be great. I think it’s also super important for people to see that you were able to create your own platform.
ZS: There's so much power in being represented. But the power in the lack of representation is that you get to be representation, you get to tell the narrative, and you get to tell people, “this is how it's gonna be.”
CC: What are your thoughts on queer POC representation in the media?
ZS: Representation is so important, and even though sometimes when it's really few and far between, it can perpetuate stereotypes.
We have to collectively start somewhere and as much as representation helps, it needs to never stop. It needs to keep going constantly, and we really need to understand that racism, homophobia, transphobia and all of these things exist in our day-to-day lives. Everyone needs to take steps and ensure things are getting better and safer for us all, and representation is one of the only ways to do that.
I really want people to listen. I know that if they listen, they will understand and if they understand, they will help make the world a better and more inclusive place.
THE LOOK
Deadstock Leather Safety Pin Crop, Sssilk666
CC: Did you have any doubts getting started after you began to wear makeup?
ZS: I think I have more doubts now that there's a larger catalogue of work, more to compare myself to and more people's opinions to take on board.
CC: What issues have you run into most?
ZS: I think as a queer person of color, there is a bit of trolling and hate that I see on a daily basis. Part of breaking stereotypes and gender norms is getting push back unfortunately, and sometimes it sets me back and sometimes I know I just need to push harder and keep going.
CC: How do you feel the industry has received you as a non-binary player?
ZS: For some brands, there’s still a level of tokenizing minorities that intersect, especially because when it comes to diversity, to companies, that means filling faces that look very “different”, and there's not much crossover. It's almost like, “Okay, well, we have a couple of white people, and then we use a black model too, so...that's great.”
They’re not thinking about South Asians. There's really no campaign I've ever done, actually, where there's been another South Asian person. So, there's so much work to be done. However, I do feel like the industry is open to growing and to learning how to best suit their audience.
When you look at large brands like Fenty, you can see there's actually authenticity there. There's a reality that is being represented, and I think that is what people are drawn to now.
CC: How has your experience been with your peers in the industry?
ZS: It has been really positive, actually. We all share a bond. It might even be a trauma bond at this point, especially with queer people of color. Whether we're being championed and celebrated or we're getting hate, its all part of putting yourself out there. So it’s a little like having a friend and connecting with someone immediately because you share the same journey and you're sharing the same job almost.
If you are not used to seeing things outside of social norms, what I do and what so many of us do, it is just not going to resonate with people, and that's the reality of it. Things like engagement and sharing work is so, so important for us.
I know that when my work is shared a lot, that's when new people see it, and I think my peers feel the same way; we're writing this together.
CC: Was your artistry always an act of activism?
ZS: It wasn't supposed to be, but somewhere along the line, I thought to myself, I have things to say and I really want people to listen. I know that if they listen, they will understand and if they understand, then they will help make the world a better and more inclusive place. When I realized that, I started to combine my artistry with social messages and I've never really looked back. In order to make powerful statements, it is important to give people time to process the existing segment.
I don't like to bombard people with messages but I'm always taking notes compiling a list of things that I really wanna put out into the world. It just so happens that combining it with beauty or fashion helps get that message across. It gets individuals to stop, read, take notes and share. That’s so important to me.
CC: How has your lived experience changed after stepping into activism?
ZS: I don't know if it's different, but it opened my eyes much more to what's going on in the world. Stepping into this role, I am able to just be a part of something bigger than me and listen to so many other voices. Intersectionality doesn't stop at queer people of color, there are a lot more communities and minorities. The growth has been immense and probably one of the most rewarding parts of this whole process.
CC: How can one can inspire broad acceptance within the community?
ZS: For me, it started when I accepted myself and stopped seeking validation. That's when I was able to really show up and be visible.
If I love you as a friend or a family member, I'm going to show you what it means to be authentically Zain whether that means having to talk about pronouns, how I feel about my own body or how I choose to present myself.
Also, if you see toxic behavior, for example, someone perpetuating negative stereotypes, someone picking on someone, homophobic jokers, call that person out on it.
